Satire — fictional humor, not factual reporting. Everything below is invented for fun. Names, characters and events are fictional.
A small imaginary Earth-observation satellite named Pip-Larkspur marked the end of its five-year design life this week by quietly clearing its desk. It had tidied its logbook, labelled its solar panels and written a short farewell note to the Pacific Ocean, which it has photographed roughly nine thousand times.
Then came the memo. It was brief, friendly and slightly sticky, as though it had been written over a sandwich. It read, in full, "Thanks for everything. Could you keep going for a bit?" Pip-Larkspur read it twice, using both of its cameras.
"I had a cake planned," the satellite said in a statement relayed through a very patient antenna. "Well, a diagram of a cake. The orbit is mostly vacuum, so I improvise." It added that it had been looking forward to a restful retirement of drifting slowly and pointing at nothing in particular.
Colleagues on the ground, mostly houseplants and a coat stand belonging to the fictional Ground Office of Gentle Requests, gathered to discuss the matter. The coat stand argued that fifteen years of service was perfectly normal for a coat stand. The houseplants, who had no opinion, leaned toward the window.
Pip-Larkspur has agreed to continue, on conditions. It has asked for a slightly better view of the Alps, a small bell to ring at each sunrise, and a clear statement of when the "bit" in "a bit longer" is expected to end. So far, the Office has answered with a thumbs-up drawn in the margin.
Experts in the field of imaginary orbital employment say the situation is common. "A satellite is designed for five years and then discovers it is quite good at the job," said Dr. Fenwick Moonbarrow, a made-up analyst who speaks exclusively in calm footnotes. "After that it is simply too useful to retire, like a good umbrella."
In the meantime, Pip-Larkspur has settled into a routine. Mornings are for coastlines, afternoons are for clouds, and evenings are for the long, thoughtful stare at a desert that it describes as "strong on texture." Weekends are identical, but with better lighting.
At press time, the satellite had accepted the extension and requested only one small gesture of thanks. It would like someone, anyone, to look up on a clear night and wave. The coat stand has volunteered, though it has pointed out that it is indoors.
Pip-Larkspur says it does not mind. It has seen the whole planet from above, and it has concluded that the waving, wherever it is happening, is probably going well.
Inspiration (a separate, real report — nothing above is factual): read the real story. This satire is original, AI-assisted and editor-reviewed by The Global News Feed.
